I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
