Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
