wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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