the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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