So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
