So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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