White coat. Heels.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
