dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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