Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
