no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
