every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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