i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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