plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize