Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
