Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
