What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
