Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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