it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Randomize