To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
