Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
