Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize