I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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