Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
