Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize