they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
