Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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