did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
