Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize