you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
