there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
