the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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