It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
