his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
