Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize