If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
