I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
