Do vagina's smell?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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