I puked a lego.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
