called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
