it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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