There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
false alarm, still single
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
