Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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