Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
