If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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