The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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