Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
