In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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