I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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