She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
