a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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