Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
