when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
