At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
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