she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
