so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
