I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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