all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
