It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Never let your siblings swipe right.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
