I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize