If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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