dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
