why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
