I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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