I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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