man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
