Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
