My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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