So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
