just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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