I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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