her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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