i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
