He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
