my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So squirting runs in the family.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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