I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
