ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
