Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
