3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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