I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
