Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
