maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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