He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think my nap took me to another dimension
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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