Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
