I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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