Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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