I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
