evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
