This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
