Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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