First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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