Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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