But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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