tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
