Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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