im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize