woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
