Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
