She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
