hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
