words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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