I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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