I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
