I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
