This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
