The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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