whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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