mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
