Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
