so let's talk penis.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
