Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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