I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
