from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
