wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
