Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
