I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
