he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize