i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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