Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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