why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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