Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
