my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize