I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
how does that bad decision feel?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
