I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
