you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
