remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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