I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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