woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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