I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I CAN MOONWALK!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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