I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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