Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
