Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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