Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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